Career Coach, Mental Health Counselor, Parenting Coordinator, Attorney
As social psychologist and author Dan Gilbert (“Stumbling on Happiness”) certifies, it all comes back to expectations. When we expect to do well, we forge forward. When we set our sights lower, the negative self-view becomes self-fulfilling. The gloomy grey donkey Eeyore tells Winnie the Pooh, “We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.” Eeyore doesn’t find his tail or much of anything; his expectations are so low that the effort doesn’t seem worth it. The cycle of negativity churns as expectations drop further: we do less, we achieve less and, predictably, the outcomes worsen. And our initial diminished expectations are reinforced.
As with all self-care, a committed, daily practice of a positive internal dialogue (optimally supplemented with a few carefully crafted affirmations) is ideal. Slowly but surely, we are able to reframe and recalibrate as we build new muscles and develop new habits.
This article first appeared on LinkedIn's Pulse on December 16, 2015. You can read the original here.
Matthew is a provisionally licensed clinical psychotherapist as well as an attorney. He works, particularly, with men wrestling to be more relational and connected to their spouse/partner and attorneys feeling stuck in their career. Visit his profile on LinkedIn here.